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Problems after a Breakup.. Dealing with a Break-up..
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BreakupsThe loss of a relationship can be incredibly hard, so much that you can feel so much pain! There is not only the grief from losing someone important in your life, but the pain of seeing your hopes and dreams of a future life together disappear as well is the hardest part in a break-up. If you have just had a break-up and are feeling down, you are not alone. Just remember that most of the people have gone through a break-up atleast once in their lifetime, which then causes heart breaks. People describe heartbreak as a feeling of heaviness, emptiness, and sadness.

Whenever everyone experiences a break-up, for sometime they have to deal with the heartbreak with a wave of grief, anger, confusion, low self-esteem, and maybe even jealousy atleast once. However, it is not only in a romantic relationship that a person can have heartbreaks. Some people might have had a romantic relationship that ended before they were ready. Others might have strong feelings for someone who didn`t feel the same way. Or maybe a person feels sad or angry when a close friend moves out of their life. Although the causes may be different, the feeling of loss is the same.

Stages of Grief

1st Stage

Grief of having a breakup moves in stages - it has a beginning, middle, and an end phase. It might help to know where you are in the process. In the beginning, you may feel in shock, denial, or numb. It may be hard for you to believe what has happened. It may be hard to make sense of it all. You may find yourself expecting to come home to your partner or for her/him to call at a regular time only to discover that is not the case any longer. It may take awhile for you to fully comprehend that the relationship is over. During this phase many people operate as if the relationship is still on even as they grieve the loss. For example, even though you may be really upset, you may not have fully accepted that the relationship is over. Deep down you may be waiting for her/him to come back. This period of disbelief or shock is the body`s natural protection against pain.

You may try to get back together even when you know it is over. You may go over and over in your mind and with everyone you talk to what you think led to the break up or what might have made a difference and resulted in a different outcome. At this stage, you may have trouble remembering things, focusing, and feeling a sense of purpose or direction in their lives - you may feel as though you are drifting through the day. This is a natural initial reaction to loss.

2nd Stage
The second stage involves feeling fear, anger and depression. This stage often lasts the longest and can be filled with feelings of insecurity, panic, worry, crying, anger, and feelings of depression. Some people don`t allow themselves to feel, while others have trouble letting go of how they are feeling. Some people worry that if they let themselves feel that they will be overcome with emotion and never come out of it. Instead they will drown in their feelings and not be able to function. Others feel their feelings but cannot seem to let go of them even after a lot of time has passed. Either way, it is important to give yourself permission to feel and at some point to let go so that you can move on.

3rd Stage

This is the stage where you begin to accept that the relationship is over, and that you are going to be okay. You realize that you haven`t thought about your ex-partner in awhile, and that without realizing it you are moving on. You have gained back some of your zest for life, and are beginning to see a future ahead of you. Sometimes the process involves a little movement forward and a little back. Try not to be hard on yourself, change is not a linear path. It is okay to feel good and then feel hurt and angry again, especially if you see her/him in the community or dating someone else.

In the acceptance stage, you have done a lot of thinking about the relationship and the break-up and you realize things that you hadn`t before. You understand yourself better, and you are not as angry or hurt. You find yourself laughing more, and feeling hopeful. You begin to notice that you`re feeling better and that you are ready to trust again, or at least to try.

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